Key Takeaways: “Toxic Positivity” by Whitney Goodman

Thoughtful, critical, and down to business, Toxic Positivity checks most of my lists must-haves for a critical perspective on mental wellbeing and calling out the self-help industry. Ironically, this was a find in the “Self-Help” section of a local book store. I was genuinely impressed that it was not preachy, nor focused on the “fixing” the undesirable dimensions of the human experience. As a part of my reflexivity in practice, I want to capture the key takeaways from this book. What has stood out to me is the following:

Takeaway 1: Be Critical of the Positivity Messenger

This book resonated with my leanings towards critical theory and a Marxist lens to social work practice. To provide some context to my interpretation, I felt it was prudent to include some other literature. For this reflection, I will use thesis 6 of chapter 1 of the Society of the Spectacle to open this takeaway:

“The spectacle, understood in its totality, is simultaneously the re­sult and the project of the existing mode of production. It is not a sup­plement to the real world, its added decoration. It is the heart of the unrealism of the real society. In all its specific forms, as information or propaganda, advertisement or direct consumption of entertainments, the spectacle is the present model of socially dominant life. It is the omnipresent affirmation of the choice already made in production and its corollary consumption. The form and the content of the spectacle are identically the total justification of the conditions and the ends of the existing system. The spectacle is also the permanent presence of this justification, to the extent that it occupies the principal part of the time lived outside of modern production.”

Debord, G. (1970)

Goodman makes no comments that could directly link her as a situationalist. However, she seems to be well-aware that the current system benefits from the peddling of positivity as the “fix” to social problems. Her acknowledgement of intersectionality, and power in relation to toxic positivity make me think of the Marxist concept of recuperation. Positive thinking is not inherently bad or unhelpful, but the question is who benefits? Are we focusing on only talking about positive things with others because it is a social norm to do so, or because we genuinely feel positive regard about a topic or situation?

What stood out to me is the potential for the self-help industry co-opted as a crutch for the social problems of late stage capitalism and post-Ford economics. I like how Goodman discussed the pressure we can experience to “be positive” in our multiple roles. If we think about the pressure and market within this system to uphold the model of a positive person, Goodman’s perspective is:

“Positive thinking has become the bedrock of the self-help industry and is routinely encouraged and celebrated by people across the globe. Self-help gurus, therapists, and coaches continue to tell us that we’re only one positive thought away from a better life, and there are more than ten thousand books about positive thinking on the market today… Thanks to widely published literature and professional endorsements, the push for positive thinking has infiltrated all areas of our lives. We’re expected to be happy at work, at home, in our relationships, and in the face of tragedy.”

Goodman, W. (2022)

Goodman does not go as far as to explore the commodification of positivity within the self-help community, and the degree in which a feedback loop is created (justification of the toxic positivity system through minimizing the detriments and recuperating self-help to maintain the status quo, and how unhappiness leads to a “doubling down” of the mental health community to push toxic positivity as a solution). She does, however, acknowledge a disconnect from a counselling perspective, and that toxic positivity can leave someone feeling worse (presumably leading to further self-help to climb out of the hole). Goodman deserves credit for bringing up both victim-blaming and gaslighting within the context of the unhelpful use of positivity when social justice is ignored. Being critical of when to use positivity challenges the “model of socially dominant life,” as Debord (1970) would say, which in this case is the avoidance of being perceived as negative.

Takeaway 2: Know When to Hold them, Know When to Fold Them

Positivity is not something to be avoided at all costs, of course. Goodman (2022) does acknowledge the benefits of positivity. Again, this is with personal context. Some of the mentioned considerations are:

• Positive affirmations are more effective with those who have higher self-esteem
• Having personalized, specific language (that aligns with your values, is truthful to yourself, is realistic, is backed up with actions, and used to empower rather than mask our afflictive emotions) is critical in the construction of positive affirmations.

Takeaway 3: Knowing the Benefits of Having Negative Emotions

If you have counselled or interviewed individuals before, both motivational interviewing and existentialism came to mind for me when Goodman discussed the use of values. I like to do an activity with individuals using the motivational interviewing values cards (you can find them here) to gain an understanding of the key values we’re working with in a session. The reflection on negative emotions as a means to uncover personal values of strengths and areas for growth, when appropriate, can make something positive out of an otherwise negative experience. Using this approach must not minimize the emotions, or rush to the solution, but rather mix some validation and professional humility (as we can never fully understand a client’s perception), while promoting a client’s development of insight.

Takeaway 4: Performative Gratitude Vs. Genuine Gratitude

I appreciate how our norms around the “shoulds” of gratitude were framed from a guilt and shame perspective. Perhaps one could link this with the Shame Shields (as cited in Brown, 2018) and the “Moving Towards” Shame Shield if gratitude our of appeasement is taking place, or “Moving Against” if someone is one-upping another person’s experience (to learn more about the Shame Shields you can check them out here). There is always someone better off than us, and someone who is less fortunate. That should not be used to coerce someone into being thankful for a situation they find difficult. Interestingly enough, Goodman makes the claim that there is limited evidence of benefit for psychopathology (albeit there are biological benefits). Psychosocial implications of gratitude are, perhaps, another area worth further investigation.

What is worth noting is a strategy for developing genuine gratitude. From this, the steps I would utilize are:

1. Recognizing both the good and bad in one’s life. Negativity Bias is a part of the human experience, so start from acceptance of that, and move towards gratitude.
2. Meet your immediate needs that get in the way of having the mindset to explore both the good and the bad.
3. Work on practicing and utilizing coping strategies to regulate emotions that arise when afflictive emotions “enter the room” during a gratitude exploration. There can be a host of strategies in one’s toolbox.
4. Explore your degree of control over events (both positive and afflictive), and carry out some some self-compassion (Kristin Neff is a good resource for some materials).
5. Do an activity where you can collect personally meaningful snapshots of the positive. Perhaps journalling, or gratitude exercises could be of use (such as those on positivepsychology.com). However, the jury is still out on how much of Toxic Positivity masquerades as the “Pop” elements of Positive Psychology.

Takeaway 5: Finding your Safe Person

I loved the criteria outlined for a safe person, as it is something that dovetails nicely with education on appropriate boundaries. Without diving into boundary work, the simple criteria are something worth integrating into education on appropriate sharing. This may also be good to discuss reciprocity for being a safe person. Some useful information for bi-directional attributes include:

1. Someone who can receive the disclosures from the person without their being fear of relationship termination or punishment.
2. Respect for your own boundaries (respecting only going as far in the listener role as the individual is in the discloser role).
3. Respecting the individual enough to promote growth, change, and self-betterment.
4. Respects physical boundaries (including body and touch).
5. Ability to be vulnerable with the individual, and having some degree of feeling comfortable enough to discuss the topic with the individual.
6. Other individual can accept being wrong and receiving feedback.
7. The individual doesn’t use contempt/criticism towards you.
8. Individual is prepared/able to listen to you
9. Perception of the individual having the ability to hold space for the conversation, and/or possibly having insights or experience related to concerns.

Takeaway 6: Incorporating DBT principles into complaining

We all complain, right? Would we have gains in labour, health, economic, and civil rights without it? Again, Goodman looks at this from a shame perspective to see what messaging has led us to the beliefs we hold about complaining. What degree of comfort do we have sharing complaints, how does complaining impact our thoughts/feelings/beliefs, and what do we notice in ourselves when we observe others complaining. This is a values question, with many intersectional variables, meaning that exploration may benefit from some collaborative curiosity with our clients.

Goodman takes the position that Radical Acceptance from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is a good approach to take in addressing afflictive emotions, or troubling circumstances. Not being well-versed in DBT, but having an interest in psychology based on Buddhist principles, there are some intriguing meta-cognitive strategies proposed:

1. Catching ourselves questioning/fighting reality.
2. Reevaluating our present control over the past.
3. Exploration of the causes leading to the present reality.
4. Use of coping strategies such as acceptance of whole self (mind/body/spirit), self-acceptance talk, relaxation exercises, mindfulness, and imagery. NOTE: This should not be the only approach to addressing social problems, as it can run the risk of minimizing social justice issues.
5. Reflexivity though evaluation of behaviours that would take place if acceptance of facts was adopted. Then acting in a way that aligns with reflexive insights.
6. Reflecting on believing what you do not want to accept, and what would change if acceptance were to occur.
7. Develop awareness of bodily sensations associated with the journey towards acceptance.
8. Do not suppress disappointment, sadness, or grief.
9. Finding value in life, even when pain is present.
10. Weighing pros and cons of resisting acceptance.

Takeaway 7: 8 Habits of Highly Effective Complainers

I liked the list presented by Goodman, because it provides a template for professionals to use in the conversation around a clients topic(s) of concern, and explore the unmet needs that lie below the surface. My takeaway was the following:

1. What is the topic or situation that is at the root of conflict?
2. What is the goal? Is it awareness-raising, seeking change, being heard, being validated, or seeking advice?
3. Is the complaint being directed to the right audience? Is the audience of the complaint able to help an individual achieve their goal?
4. Is complaining worth it? Are the topics important to you, and what are the outcomes of complaining vs. not complaining?
5. Are we seeking connection through complaining? If connection is the primary driving factor, are there other ways the need for connection can be fulfilled?
6. Writing our concerns down may help us organize our thinking and aid in developing our own insights on how to cope.
7. Be direct about the issue of concern.
8. Being direct and focused is a strategy that can aid in addressing social justice issues, so keep your goal in mind.

Takeaway 8: Warning Signs of Harmful Self-Improvement

I liked this piece, because it appears to seek a “middle way” between the goals of self-help and toxic positivity. The unhealthy behaviour changes outlined by Goodman include:

1. Constantly finding new aspects of ourselves to “improve”
2. Belief there is something “wrong” with us
3. Internalized belief that we must “heal” or change before being accepted
4. Experiences of guilt or shame if we are not continuously pursuing wellness, health, and improvement.
5. Judging people who are not continuously focused on “healing” or “improving” themselves.
6. Repressing negative feelings/emotions our of fear that it delegitimizes your worth as a person
7. Focusing most of one’s daily activities around health or self-improvement in shape or form.

Takeaway 9: What is Helpful Positivity?

If you read the book, and get a list of what toxic positivity is, it may also be helpful to have a frame of reference for some attributes of helpful positivity. In closing, Goodman outlines the following principles for helpful positivity:

1. Having the ability to see the value of the good that exists from their own perspectives and on their own timetable.
2. Cognitive flexibility, in which one can have a variety of emotions (positive or afflictive), and appreciate the “good” and “bad” of a situation.
3. Recognizing that not all situations have a silver lining, and that we can still experience joy despite that.
4. Normalization of pain as a fact of life, along with healthy boundaries to have social connections to navigate challenges in life.
5. Reflection on the highs and lows that arise from life circumstances.

References:

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.

Debord, G. (1970). Society of the Spectacle (Detroit, Black & Red). Debord, Society of the Spectacle, 80.

Goodman, W. (2022). Toxic Positivity: keeping it real in a world obsessed with being happy. Hachette UK.

Miller, W. R., C’de Baca, J., Matthews, D. B., & Wilbourne, P. L. (2001). PERSONAL VALUES Card Sort. Alexandria, VA; Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers . 

Neff, K. (n.d.). Self-Compassion exercises by dr. Kristin Neff. Retrieved October 28, 2022, from https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises 

Oppland, M. (2022, August 6). 13 most popular gratitude exercises & activities. PositivePsychology.com. Retrieved October 28, 2022, from https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/ 

Snowden, K. M. (2020, July 9). Brené Brown’s shame shields. Brené Brown’s Shame Shields. Retrieved October 28, 2022, from https://www.kristinsnowden.com/single-post/bren%C3%A9-brown-s-shame-shields